Ruthie’s Story
I was living in a hostel and was not in a good place mentally. I was getting help from Women's Aid and then I got passed on to RSVP, where I managed to get some counselling. I was trying to find things to help me. I was going to the Homeless Health Exchange across the other side of town and I met this absolute angel. She was just so kind and lovely to me, just when I needed it the most. I'll never forget her.
I was telling her I liked creative things and she said, “Why don't you join this choir?" And then, “I can't remember what it's called... oh, that's it! They haven't got a name. The Choir with No Name.” She was a fan and had been to lots of CWNN gigs.
I thought that sounded really good, so I looked it up and sent CWNN an email. I started in autumn 2019, but it feels like I’ve been with The Choir with No Name forever.
When I started I was thrown straight in the deep end – because it was leading up to Christmas I did four gigs in two months! Then, I heard about all the other things I could do with CWNN. It’s not just a choir. There was this songwriting group, so I joined that and that's when I wrote the song, 'They Know My Name.'
When the songwriting group met up, we'd write down our general conversations. Mine was about my journey to get to choir because at the time I had really bad OCD. Sometimes it would take quite a lot for me to leave the house and get to choir on time. I'd have to prepare for hours before. I'd always end up having to run all the way across town. I’d get there, I'd be sweating and really stressed out. But there would always be somebody at the door opening it for you. They'd know your name, “Hey, Ruthie! Are you okay? Do you want to come in?” Someone would know my name and that really relaxed me. You would forget about everything else and be really glad that you came.
Alongside that I was going to college, so bits of my life were all coming back together. The choir was really supportive and helpful with me going to college.
It's been priceless; the help and the mentoring I've had.
When I first started singing with CWNN I was really nervous standing there in the group and singing. But by the Christmas concert, I was grabbing the mic and singing solo! My confidence has really improved. I think it's because you feel like you're in a really safe space and that people genuinely care about you. They do actually genuinely care. It just feels very loving and authentic. I find it really hard to describe to anybody else who’s not part of the choir. Having the space to just be yourself, that's really helped me transform.
It's a long journey. I've really had to work hard on myself and just keep going at it every day, little by little and then eventually you start to see some light with it all. I think music [and choir] has been a big part of this because when you're there, you forget about everything else.
There's been so many unforgettable moments and so many emotional moments. It’s amazing seeing other people transform as well. There’s the time we went down to London and we were all singing on the bus like a big family. I've made friends and connections and, the big thing is trust. Also building those relationships you have with yourself.
It's been a real big deal to me that people genuinely care and notice when you're missing. It sounds a bit extreme, but people care that you're alive and well. It’s quite a big deal I think for a lot of people with mental health issues, and issues with trust and abandonment. Choir is something that's always there. It’s consistent. We see that with members who come and go. People could go off for six months and then come back and everyone always welcomes them back.